But I don’t want another app

The Gen X ‘Get off my lawn’ equivalency

Nikki Barr

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Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

In the beginning, everyone was getting their own app for this thing or that store — and it was good. Truly, an exciting time to be alive, especially when you grew up having to “ground” yourself before you touched the keyboard to click desperately and not die of cholera on the Oregon Trail.

And weren’t those the days? We had one game we could play for 30 minutes a day if there was time and we hoped we didn’t die of dysentery straight away. Cue shaky Simpsons grandpa voice: And we were grateful for it.

Recently, I was behind a woman in line and the 20-something cashier explained that she could get the store app for coupons. She just shook her head and said ‘It’s not worth it.’ Amen, sister, was all I could think and restrained myself from saying it aloud.

Look, I get it. Apps generate loyalty for businesses in many ways, but at what sacrifice? I simply don’t have it in me for a third screen of app icons, but aside from precious real estate and an extra swipe… I don’t need Hallmark to have any more data than they currently get when I give them my phone number. The $2 coupon to download the app simply isn’t worth it.

But what amount would it take?

I have tickets to see a performance at a venue coming up. They sent me a link to their menu in preparation for the evening out. How nice, because I actually like to be planful (vegans be like that). A pop-up offered me $25 off a purchase of $75 if I joined the mailing list. Sure, I thought — why not? They already have my email and dinner will cost more than $75.

I should have known better.

I provided my email and they thanked me with the offer, now $50 off my check of $150 or more. Not the original offer, but still acceptable. How do I get this fabulous deal? Download and pay with their app.

The answer was no and I closed the browser. It reminded me of this bit from Big Bang Theory:

I simply don’t have an open slot on my screen.

Or the patience for giving up my information to anyone else. After all, I’m fully owned at this point by Amazon and Google. Just ask Meta.

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Nikki Barr

Normal human in an extraordinaire world. Memoir / Humor / Just Life